Excerpt from Feng Shui Mommy: Creating Balance and Harmony for Blissful Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood
As confounding (and painful!) as it can be at times, the Universe does not make mistakes. It is bringing your baby to you in the exact way she was meant to come. If your nontraditional pregnancy was caused by something you feel you did “wrong” I want to work with you to dissolve that. If everything had not aligned in the precise way it has thus far, the baby who is coming to you would not be in your reality- but she is! She is coming. The moment you first hold her in your arms, and your eyes meet, you’ll be filled with gratitude for all of the challenges you went through to make this unique human and attached spirit a presence in your existence.
“Thank you Universe for being so perfectly frustrating, perplexing and all-knowing!”
Even when you consciously know the “everything happens for a reason” platitude, you still may experience a feeling of disconnection if your baby does not share the genetics of both you and your partner, or share your womb. If the emotion of disconnection comes up I want you to briefly close your eyes and explore the idea that we are all One- all derived from the same source, so regardless of the physical nature of your pregnancy, your baby, partner and self already share a bond of Oneness that can not be broken. When doubt about your untraditional journey flares up, return to the simple truth of Oneness. This return to a belief in Oneness can also awaken a hope that although “physical immortality” may not be an ingredient in your pregnancy, you’re receiving the ultimate gift of achieving “spiritual immortality” by leaving an Imprint of Love on your baby’s spirit- way cooler than a couple strands of genetic instructions.
Let’s explore the unique challenges mamas and papas face in the three primary categories of untraditional pregnancy.
Baby Conceived With Donor Egg
There is a big vat stewing with different reasons women may need to use an egg donor- advanced maternal age, genetic disease, poor egg quality, history of pregnancy failure and much more. You may have spent exhaustive years trying to create a successful pregnancy with your own DNA, so it can be deeply disappointing when a viable pregnancy does not result. Moving through the grieving process of releasing your ideas of what your baby “should be” (possessing your own genetic code) can be very painful, but is crucial to your ability to fully bond with the baby who is coming to you. Feel it. Surrender to that grief via crying, journaling, attending support groups or anything else you feel will clear the space of regret within you, so you can fill it with love for your baby whose genetics may not be derived from your own, but whose spirit chose you as his mother. Your baby is no less a part of the true nature of you than a baby who sprouted from your egg.
It is also common to feel an undercurrent (oftentimes subconscious) of resentment towards the partner who was able to contribute their DNA to the baby. Ensure you also work through this (very natural) sentiment, so you can journey into parenthood as a united team.
If you are carrying baby in your womb, set the intent that you are still able to offer a big piece of your physical self to the development of your baby through the food and drink you consume, love hormones and endorphins that pass through the placenta and the sacred blend of breastmilk you may eventually nourish them with. You are the mama of this baby who came to you for a reason; fill the space you created from clearing your regret with profound gratitude for this knowing.
Learn more by getting your copy of Feng Shui Mommy